did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
