Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
