my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
