How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
