I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
