I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
