it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize