I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
