I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
