I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
