You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
