At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
