Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
