Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
