Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
