butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
