if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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