Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
