You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
