I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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