yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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