Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
