don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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