I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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