u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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