he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
