why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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