Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
