I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
40s are totally the cure
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
