Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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