Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize