He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
