apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
