do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
