bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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