My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
