I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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