I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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