I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
