Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
