Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize