Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize