I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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