dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
pray to the hookup gods
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
