I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
