did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
