I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize