we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
