I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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