Cold hands, warm shart.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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