Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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