We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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