Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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