Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
