its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
