Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
