I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
