I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
