WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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