Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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