3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
