Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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