if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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