Someone shit on the floor
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How's work?
Spinning.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
