I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
