Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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