im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
