I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
