Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
