The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
