I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
