my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize