Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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