Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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