Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
