is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
